Hallo Readers,
Remember 2016 when Michael Gove told us not to believe experts? That worked out well, didn’t it? The determination to ignore experts persists to this day, even after the ordure has hit the air conditioning and Brexit has gone from a glowing opportunity to lets-make-the-best-of-it-for-Gawd’s-sake. So just as Donald Trump has decided to ignore 300 scientists and thirteen of his own federal agencies about climate change (‘One of the problems that a lot of people like myself — we have very high levels of intelligence, but we’re not necessarily such believers’), that other towering intellect, Jacob Rees-Mogg MP, airily waved away stark predictions from the Governor of the Bank of England, Mark Carney, about the consequences of no deal on 29 March 2019. ‘Mark Carney is a second tier Canadian politician who failed to get on in Canadian politics and then got a job in the UK. I don’t think he’s greatly respected’. Unlike, presumably, Rees-Mogg, a man whose reputation has been built solely upon his plummy accent, his having been to Eton and Oxford, his three piece suits and his air of having wandered off the set of Poirot. He is a pillock masquerading as a political thinker, another posh boy who thinks he has some divine right to pontificate to the serfs.
Why little Moggy felt it necessary to denigrate Canadians, WTF cannot say, but it is another trait that Brexiteers share with Trump. Until recently, Canada was the quintessence of nice. Think of Canada and you picture maple syrup, mounties, the better side of Niagara Falls, Donald Sutherland, Richard Dreyfus, Ryan Gosling, William Shatner and Neil Young. It is true that Canada also gave us Justin Bieber and Celine Dion, but you cannot hold that against the whole nation. Suddenly, however, Canadians have gone evil. Trudeau has annoyed Trump and now Carney has incurred the wrath of the Brexiteers for pointing out that much of the UK is not ready for a no-deal Brexit, which could bring crashes and business closures and all manner of doom and gloom, whereupon there was an outcry about Project Hysteria. It is of course not possibile that Carney might be right. How can he be? He is not even British! He is a colonial who has taken a job from one of us and is now spreading fear and discord because…..er…..he’s a Globalist! He wants us to join the EUSR! He probably hob-nobs with George Soros! Meanwhile, little Moggy, who is a fund manager, has been quietly advising his clients to move their money abroad….
But fear not, fellow Brits. We might have a treat awaiting us in the form of a TV debate between Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn about Brexit. Since they both seem to advocate Brexit, it is rather hard to know what they will talk about, and anyway they cannot presently agree upon the channel and the time. May wants to go on the BBC on Sunday 9 December (two days before the vote in the Commons on her crappy Brexit deal) but Corbyn is worried that it will clash with the final of I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here. WTF humbly suggests that May, Corbyn, Vince Cable, Arlene Foster, and little Moggy are all flown out to Australia to appear in the final, where the one that can keep down a kangaroo’s testicle and a couple of cockroaches gets to be Prime Minister and the Brexit outcome of their choice. And you know what Readers? It is as good a way of settling the debate as anything anyone else has come up with.
****************************************************************
We start the week’s survey of sartorial shockingness with Strictly presenter Claudia Winkleman wearing River Island, seen here with co-presenter Tess Daly wearing Victoria Beckham.
Claudia is the highest paid woman in the BBC at around £500K, whereas Tess, the woman who makes a bowl of lentil soup look sparky, scrapes by on £240K. Tess looks fine here but Claudia is her usual over-sprayed, messy, self with the heavy eyes of a pugilist who had taken a bad beating from Riddick Bowe, and clad in a shaggy dress reminiscent of Dougal in The Magic Roundabout.
This is actress and model Adwoa Aboah, wearing Ashley Williams.
Tit tassels!!!! She is wearing tit tassels!!!!!
Next to the White House and Melania Trump at some ridiculous ceremony where President Trump was pardoning a turkey, presumably getting in some practice for when he has to do it to human turkeys like Don Jr. and Paul Manafort.
Melania was clearly feeling the cold and wrapped herself in a £9K Dior coat made out of a designer horse blanket.
We are now in London at the Beauty Awards where we encounter glamour model Demi Rose, wearing a ‘blazer-dress’ by Annie’s.
Well, I say ‘wearing’, but there are some massive mammaries on display and the skirt is so short as to put worried onlookers in fear of an imminent minge moment.
To the premiere of Aquaman and two of its stars, Jason Mamoa and Amber Heard. Amber is wearing Valentino.
Note that Jason has come along in his usual day attire, whereas Amber, appearing in this blog for the second week running, is wearing an embossed gown with matching swimming cap, which is perhaps taking things a touch too literally, while the peekaboo cutouts showcase a torso with more inscriptions than the Elgin Marbles.
To one of WTFs favourite annual tackfests, the Aria Awards in Sydney. This is singer Montaigne wearing Marda Journey. In case you are wondering, she has written STOP ADANI on her cheeks in protest against proposed mining activity in Queensland.
If a giant pink poodle went to a fancy dress party as Miss Haversham, this is what it would look like.
Next up we have socialite and model Christian (The Prince) Wilkins wearing Akira Isogawa and his boyfriend Andrew Kelly, wearing who can possibly know what?
This isn’t a gay thing. This is a taste thing. Andrew looks like Charles II in floral bloomers with pink paint on his head, and Christian looks like a Victorian tart touting for business along the Embankment. They should both go away and rethink their looks from scratch.
Finally, here is former model and current celebritee Imogen Anthony, wearing Discount Universe.
WTF likes to think that even Madonna would have been embarrassed to wear this arse-bearing collection of rude ticker tape and string….. Just go away.
This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Philippa Charles, who brought this item from a US yuletide gift catalogue to WTF’s attention. It is, Heaven help us, an annual subscription to the Avocado of the Month Club where your friend can receive a different seasonal avocado every month upon your outlay of $135.
Philippa remarks ‘Now look. This may be the most millennial thing I have ever seen’ and she seems to have a point. WTF likes an avocado as much as the next person but it is becoming the new pink peppercorn or the excrescence that is the sun dried tomato (which tasted like dried snot). Avocado is now everywhere, especially upon toast which is slithery and revolting. Food pretentiousness has reached new heights and It’s So Got To Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Do not neglect to send in your splendid comments and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x