Hallo Readers,
Last weekend, the New Year’s Honours list was announced with the usual nonsensical blend of decent people doing outstanding work in the community with no thought of personal gain, people you thought had died long since getting additional honours to the honours they had already received 30 years ago (yes, you Dame Shirley Bassey), sycophants various and business bigwigs stuffing money into the pocket of Tory Central Office. Mostly in the name of an Empire we no longer have. Commingled into this list was the resignation honours list of former Prime Minister Liz Truss. You remember Liz Truss. The one who was in office for only 49 days and crashed the economy before falling on her sword. That Liz Truss. The fact that she was the shortest-lived Prime Minister ever in the history of ever did not deter her from exercising her conventional right to nominate a gaggle of has-beens, never-weres and failures as a reward for their incompetence in advising her during the car crash that was her tenure. The former head of Vote Leave, Mark Elliott, businessman and Tory donor Jon Moynihan and a lady called Ruth Porter, whose contribution to British society was to act as Truss’s aide, have all been elevated to the House of Lords where they can draw £330 a day for attending, even if they don’t actually do anything, except perhaps eating a delicious and subsidised lunch in the dining room. That we allow this nonsense to continue is so offensive to common sense, decency and democracy, it is amazing that outraged citizens have not stormed the barricades.
Talking of common sense and decency, not to mention outrage, the nation has been transfixed all week by the fantastic dramatisation of one of the great scandals over our time, namely the thousands of postmasters wrongly accused of theft and false accounting from 2000 onwards. Some went to prison. Four committed suicide. Some were bankrupted, others were forced to mortgage their homes or to lose their homes and indeed to lose everything in order to repay alleged losses that were never losses at all but the malfunctioning of the Horizon computer system installed by the Post Office. When postmasters protested that there was an error in the system, they were told that no one else had complained or had difficulties. This is what is known as a lie. The Post Office then proceeded to cover up the truth and to withhold documents which would have proved the innocence of those whose lives they were ruining in the name of profit and reputation. Perhaps the most shocking moment in Mr Bates v The Post Office was when appalled viewers learned that the CEO presiding over the lies and cover-up, Paula Vennells, was awarded a CBE (Commander of the British Empire) in 2020 ‘for services to the Post Office’. Because in the UK with our culture of falling upwards, failure is rewarded by a gong. Not to mention a new job to go with the copper-bottomed pension and benefits from the last job. Alan Bates, himself a victim of this scandal who spent 20 years fighting for justice for himself and his erstwhile colleagues, was offered an OBE (Order of the British Empire, which is lower than a CBE) in recognition of his efforts. He turned it down on the grounds that while Vennells still retained her honour, he could not possibly accept his. Which pretty much sums up the whole rotten honours system. Oh – a footnote. Fujitsu, the maker of the malfunctioning crap that is Horizon, has got a further £340m in Government contracts. Because they did such a good job and rushed to help the postmasters with their faulty product….oh……
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We start our review of the week’s wanky wear with actor/singer Jennifer Lopez out and about with her mother, Guadalupe Rodriguez.
Those are the worst jeans WTF ever did see in her life. And she has seen some stinkers. WTF are those jeans? Has JLo been rolling in pigshit? And if not, why is she wearing them?
Next up, we encounter Schitt’s Creek actor Dan Levy in Hollywood at the premiere of his new movie, Good Grief, wearing Prada.
Prada is in this phase of putting foolish fringing on everything. Claire Foy was in here last month wearing some and it looked foolish on her as well. Onlookers fear that their cataracts are growing apace from the blurriness of the shirt pattern while the arms are designed for an orangutang with a recent growth spurt. Meanwhile, the trousers fall into a geometric shape like a coffee table.
This is Celebritee Spray Tanner Bee Ortega at a New Year’s Eve party in Los Angeles.
Bee is not just a tanner, she is an award-winning tanner and she is wearing herself, tan-wise. She is not, however, wearing her own tits, tit-wise, and is an early contender for the Phil and Grant Mitchell Two- Bald-Heads-Under-A-Blanket Award 2024.
And now, here is Sydney Sweeney in Sydney, Australia wearing Givenchy at the premiere of her movie Anyone But You. Yes, it’s nasty see-through time.
This looks like the lining of a dress she is yet to put on. There is horrible. And there is fuck, that’s horrible. This has gone past fuck, that’s horrible and is currently parked outside Yurgle. And here is yet another nasty, see-through thing, this time by Danielle Frankel and worn in New York by actor Rebecca Hall.
Like a couple of layered condoms. And not in a nice way….
Now here are Village Idiot Eric Trump and his wife Lara Trump at Daddy Trump’s Floridian Temple to Vulgarity, Mar-A-Lago, on New Year’s Eve. Lara is wearing Oscar Lopez.
Lara proudly posted this picture of herself on Instagram and was doubtless astonished that even adoring Magats criticised her for wearing it and called it ‘trashy’. And if a Trump supporter thinks something is trashy, it is beyond trashy. But then taste and self-knowledge were never really a Trump thing. It is as if her peignoir was caught in a door but she thought ‘to hell with it’ and went downstairs to the party anyway. The black tights are bad, the tits are worse but the most dreadful thing are Lara’s toes, like a convocation of worms. She had better be careful that no-one tries to use them to go fishing off the pier.
And finally – the winner of the fabled WTF Christmas Turkey 2023 is……
Drumroll…….
Sometime actor and professional bits-flasher, Julia Fox!!!
Julia romped home with 20% of the vote. Stylist Law Roach came second and Kanye West’s missus, exhibitionist and/or victim Bianca Censori came third.
This week’s It’s Got Got Go comes from WTF aficionado Andrew from Canonbury who, while loving this week’s triumph that was Mr Bates v The Post Office, was driven nearly to distraction by the utterly appalling Direct Line ads before and after each segment. They feature various actors pretending to devise dramas and they are without question the most irritating, infantile, idiotic and insufferable load of bollocks ever, prompting Andrew, WTF and anyone sentient person itch to throw their TV out of the window, only they couldn’t because they wanted to see the next bit of Mr Bates.
Direct Line – go away and bother someone else. It’s Got To Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x